


Retail

by shulamithbond



Series: Reality X [8]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, The Avengers (2012), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies), crossover - Fandom
Genre: Autism, Disabled Character, Disabled Character of Color, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Genderqueer Character, M/M, Mary Sue, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-27
Updated: 2013-01-27
Packaged: 2017-11-27 02:22:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/657003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shulamithbond/pseuds/shulamithbond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why you should never let your friends come with you to work. Especially if one of them is the God of Mischief.</p><p>Based on a prompt on imagineyourpolyship on Tumblr (even though this isn't really a polyship...oh well)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Retail

         Crys Wilkes blinked the drowsiness from her eyes, stretched her back, and reached for another box of condoms.

         She wished this job was turning out better. Mostly, she had to admit, to spite all the naysayers. Spite was an ugly thing, and Crys didn’t like harboring it, but she’d been mildly annoyed when no one – neither of her parents, none of her friends, not even Thor – except maybe for her bandmates (and she hadn’t seen them since the last school break, which was months ago) had been supportive of her new job.

        She couldn’t really blame her parents. Both of their primary objections stemmed from the theory that children were supposed to be better off than their parents, which apparently meant not working minimum-wage crap jobs on the early night shift at chain pharmacies, part time. Besides, she was in college. That had been Crys’ best friend Aoife’s primary objection, too. Aoife had never needed a part-time job, being a princess from another galaxy in another reality, and as someone who admitted to being a lousy multitasker, she didn’t understand how Crys could succeed at both school and a job simultaneously. The concept was foreign to her; it was similarly foreign to Loki and Thor.

        Crys knew they meant well – that was why she hadn’t gotten mad at them, and wasn’t even that pissed off now – and she was aware that she should be jumping at the chance not to have to earn her own money yet; but she didn’t like it. She liked to work hard. She liked to earn the things she had. She liked the sense of accomplishment and integrity.

        But she had to admit, an opportunity to work hard and earn some of her own money at a job besides this one would have been great.

         It wouldn’t be so bad if she had at least gotten a job during the day shift. Then she’d be able to greet people and chat with them a little; Crys always liked that. But that shift was full, and so they’d put her on nights. It probably hadn’t helped that she was the only female employee – well, okay, she wasn’t a “female” employee, not really, but they didn’t know that and she hadn’t really felt the urge to explain – who wasn’t afraid to walk home at night.

         She looked toward the register. The cashier on duty had “stepped out for a smoke” twenty minutes ago, and Crys was pretty sure she had just left without clocking out. She sighed, and tried to remember the five-minute tutorial they’d given her on how to work the register, just in case anyone actually came in and bought something. Currently, she was alone in the store. That would freak some people out, especially at night, but it was difficult to freak out Crys Wilkes. Growing up in Reality X did that to you.

         The automatic doors whooshed open, and out of caution, she did duck behind the shelf of contraceptives she was restocking and peer carefully around at the front of the store.

          _Crys?_ asked a familiar voice inside her head.

         Puzzled but cheered, Crys grinned as she strode down the aisle. “Aoife? What are you doing here?”

         _We wanted to come and see where you worked!_ Aoife happily accepted and reciprocated Crys’ hug, even though Crys could tell her hands were aching to flap.

         “Wait – ‘we’?” Crys looked over Aoife’s shoulder. “Oh, you guys came too?” Aoife released her and she gave both brothers their traditional hugs – Loki’s was quick, with Crys putting in most of the effort, as the tall young man stiffened like a board in her arms. Thor’s was long and warm and smelled good – seriously, she always forgot how good he smelled until she was physically close to him again – and ended in a passionate kiss. Dating a man had been different for Crys, but it was cool to have a partner who was strong enough to actually hold you up, even lift you off the ground.

         “Look,” she said now, realizing she had to be serious. “I’m really glad you guys came down here, but I’m supposed to be working and stuff, and my coworker or my manager could be by anytime to check on me since I’m still new, so could we just hang out after my shift is over?”

         _But we just got here!_ Crys supposed later that she should have recognized the mischievous glint in Aoife’s eye. _And it’s cold outside!_

        “We have as much a right to purchase the wares here as anyone else,” Thor pointed out. “According to my friend, Steven Rogers, that is the law of this land.” He frowned. “Except for those of a darker skin hue, similar to that of Heimdall. At least, it was so in the time of Steven’s birth. However, I observed otherwise when Loki and I visited the establishment Starbucks, so I believe the laws have been changed since then.”

        _Yes_ , Aoife informed him. _They have._

         Thor nudged Loki. “And besides, brother, perhaps we can find you the product you told Crys you wished to obtain – I believe it was black paint for the nails?”

         Loki’s face grew slightly pinker. “Hush, Thor, not so loud.” He glared at Crys. “Why would you tell him that?”

         Crys flushed red and looked at her shoes. “I’m sorry, dude. He was asking me what you wanted for the Midgardian holidays and it just sort of slipped out.”

         _I didn’t know you wanted nail polish_ , Aoife remarked to Loki. _You should have told me when we were still home on Coruscant. There’s this very good spa and salon where Mama, Wallis and I go sometimes, they’re very discreet-_

         “Must the topic of my personal cosmetic whims be subjected to extensive discussion?” snapped Loki.

        Crys sighed, and felt a smile curve her lips. In the words of Tumblr: _oh, the Loki feels._ Specifically, the androgynous-experimenting Loki feels. “Okay, you guys can stay. Just try and act natural if anyone comes”-

         “Crys, what is this?” Crys turned mid-sentence and her face burned once more, as she saw the product Thor had taken off the shelf and was now holding up inquisitively.

        “Um,” she replied, feeling awkward. “That’s…um…a pump.”

        “But what object does it pump?”

        “Um…” Her hand began scratching the back of her neck, involuntarily. “Well…um…penises.”

        His puzzled look would have made her laugh if she wasn’t so embarrassed. “See, some people – well, some cismen – they have trouble with, um, erections. So they use that pump.”

        His brow knitted as he thought this through. “Does it work?”

       “Not really.”

       “Then why purchase this contraption in the first place?”

         She shrugged. “Who knows?”

        The puzzled look – and no one could do “puzzled” like Thor, Crys had to admit it – persisted for another second or two, and then he laughed, thunderously. “Midgard can be so strange!” He looked profoundly happy about it, and Crys wished desperately that she could go on break right now so that she could jump his bones in the back room.

         A crash broke the spell. In unison, Crys and Thor whirled around. Crys’ mouth fell open. “Oh, shit!”

         The source of the crash was revealed when they peered down the convenience store’s aisle and saw that the door of one of the glass refrigerators along the wall had been shattered. They found Loki crouching in the fridge, on top of the boxes of ice cream. He had stripped out of his coat, scarf, tie, and trousers, and was now wearing only his shirt, which was unbuttoned, his shoes and socks, and boxer shorts.

         He glared up at them, a faint bluish tinge washing over his skin. “I became overheated.”

         Thor was gaping along with Crys. “But, brother – why destroy the door?”

         “It wouldn’t open and I became desperate!” Loki snapped. “It is not my fault if even Midgardian doors are of such inferior quality so as to function so poorly and break so easily!”

         _Why didn’t you just use magic to open the door_? asked Aoife, wandering over from the display of inappropriate greeting cards she had been reading.

         “That is unimportant at this time! I notice none of you have bothered to ask if I was injured by the broken glass! And you call yourselves my friends and…lovers and…brothers...”

         _All right, darling. Were you injured by the broken glass?_ Aoife inquired.

         “No! And I know you’re only asking because I just mentioned it!” He sulked.

         Aoife shook her head, and waved a hand. Crys and Thor both jumped as the glass shards flew from the boxes, shelves, and thinly-carpeted floor, and reassembled themselves into first a cracked, and then a smooth, whole pane of glass. The newly-repaired door propped itself open. “I didn’t know you could do that,” Crys told her friend.

         _Well, Master Bane taught me the theory the last time I was at the Temple, and I’d been experimenting with different amounts of debris_ , Aoife explained modestly. _Sorry – I have to admit, I was showing off a little just now. I wasn’t really sure I could do it._

         “Not at all, it was an excellent trick,” Thor congratulated.

         “And it saved my job,” added Crys. “But…I don’t know…you said you practiced with different amounts of rubble. Isn’t ‘size’ supposed to ‘matter not?’”

         Aoife shrugged. _I guess it doesn’t, but my brain doesn’t know that. So I can spend the time and effort trying to convince it, or I can just learn the skill however I can._

         “Wait!” Loki perked his head up, all trace of melancholy vanished. “Aoife, didn’t you tell me you could teletransport small objects?”

         _Well, yes._

         The demigod’s green eyes had taken on a familiar glint. “Then I just had an idea for…a practical joke. I believe, Crys, you might even refer to it as ‘epic.’”

 

* * *

 

          “I do not believe that this action is prudent,” Thor said again, nervously. “And it is not kind to the innocent Midgardians who will purchase these products.” They were standing in the hair care product aisle, facing a shelf of various shampoos.

          _We’ll make it safer,_ Aoife promised him. _We won’t use any of the medicated shampoos, only the shitty scented ones that barely do anything. But Loki, I haven’t learned to teleport liquids yet. Even the thick, dense ones._

          Loki laughed. “Darling, you will not need to! Remember, I can simply freeze the liquid within the bottles, and then you are only transporting another solid mass.” He gave his brother an uncharacteristic grin. “But I understand your trepidation, Thor. If the careful washing and conditioning of my wavy, golden locks was such an essential part of my daily routine as it so obviously is of yours, I too would feel an intense emotional connection with Midgardian shampoos.”

           But “burning” Thor was never much fun; he would either laugh along with the joke or, if it did happen to hit a nerve, he would throw the jester across the room. Currently, he was laughing along with them. “Perhaps you are right, brother. It may be interesting to observe how you and Aoife proceed with such a trick.”

           _Wait!_ Aoife was now grinning evilly, ear-to-ear. _I have an idea to make it even better._

 

* * *

 

          Crys folded her arms. She was really getting tired, and this wasn’t helping her mood. “Guys, I’m not cleaning this up.”

          Thor shook his head. “In all honesty, I am not even certain how this occurred.” As a group, they looked down at the mess of shampoos and brightly-colored hair dyes congealing on the already-grimy carpet.

           _Well_ , began Aoife, _I forgot that a bottle already full of shampoo cannot also contain a packet’s worth of blue hair dye. Also, that I truly do need a great deal more practice with teleporting liquid through the Force. Especially two liquids that I am simultaneously trying to mix. Sorry about that._

          “I feel this _fulmination_ of hair care products is an omen that we are not meant to complete this jest,” said Thor earnestly.

          Loki regarded him with surprise. “I did not know you knew such words, Thor. Wherever did you learn them?”

         “I find that somewhat hurtful, brother”-

        “What are you people doing?” Crys turned, heart skipping a beat in muted horror, as she realized that her partner on the shift, the errant cashier, had returned from her smoking break.

        No one spoke. Even Loki was silent, mainly because he could not think of a single silver-tongued response to the woman. There did not seem to be any legitimate reason, that he knew of, for such a mess to exist.

         Finally, the cashier shook her head. “Just get it cleaned up. The manager’s going to be here making his rounds in, like, twenty minutes.”

         Crys gave her friends and boyfriend a glare that was most out of character for her. “Okay, guys. You heard the nice lady. Get to work.”

* * *

Note: If you want to see more, you can check out the other stories in this series; more are coming soon! Thanks for reading!


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